This week I’ve been reading The Dilbert Principle by Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert cartoon strip. It book begins with this remark:

I routinely include bizarre and unworldly elements such as sadistic talking animals, troll-like accountants, and employees turning into dishrags after the life-force has been drained from their bodies. And yet the comment I hear most often is, “That’s just like my company.”  No matter how absurd I try to make the comic strip, I can’t stay ahead of what people are experiencing in their own workplaces.

Scott Adams, Creator of Dilbert

Adams’ quote got me wondering: Exactly how big of a kernel of truth lurks behind every Dilbert comic strip? Let’s take a look.

1. Low Self-Esteem Will Make Employees More Productive.

The Dilbert Principle

Employee morale is a risky thing.  Happy employees will work harder without asking for extra pay.  But if they get too happy endorphins kick in, egos expand, and everybody starts whining about the fact that with their current pay they’ll have to live in a dumpster after retirement. The best balance of morale for employee productivity can be described this way: happy, but with low self-esteem. –Adams

The Dilbert Strip

Real Management Research

Adams may be on to something with this one. The latest research suggests that self-esteem and job performance aren’t connected, but we do know that people with high self-esteem are more willing to speak up in groups and criticize the team’s approach which may account for the truthiness of the Dilbert principle. Best-in-class companies across America are experimenting with flatter corporate structures and value systems that encourage free thinking, but in most organizations the rank-and-file are…well, ranked and filed. In strict hierarchies (the military comes to mind) individuals who like to buck the system can be deadly disruptions to productivity and team cohesion.

2. Employees Are Not the Company’s Most Valuable Asset.

The Dilbert Principle

Let’s say your boss has a broken desk chair and there’s no money left in the budget to replace it. Is it more likely that your boss would:

A) Sit on the floor until the next budget cycle

B) Use a non-management chair despite the lower status it confers on the sitter

C) Postpone filling a job opening, distribute the extra work to the “most valuable assets,” and use the savings to buy a proper chair.

As employees, we like to think we’re more valuable than the office furniture…but realistically, we’re someplace toward the lower end of the office supply hierarchy. –Adams

The Dilbert Strip

Real Management Research

A recent Gallup engagement poll reveals that in average organizations, the ratio of engaged to actively disengaged employees is almost 2:1. This is estimated to cost the country more than $300 billion dollars in productivity. So are employees  the company’s greatest asset? Or are they actually the company’s greatest liability? The Harvard Business Review has published a barrage of articles on this subject, with strong opinions on both sides of the argument. While it certainly sounds nice to put your people first, consider the alternatives:

Stuff that Might be More Important Than Your Employees

• Cash
• Intellectual Property
• Your Company’s Reputation
• Real Estate Property
• The Customer

Looking at the list shows why putting people first is so difficult…and why so many companies fail to do it.

3. If You Want to Get Ahead, Exaggerate Your Accomplishments.

The Dilbert Principle

(Dogbert’s Guide to Bragging)

Some people will foolishly limit their list of accomplishments to projects that they’ve actually worked on.  This is a mistake.  Don’t forget the intangible benefit of “thinking about” a project. Also, no matter how badly your project screwed up, focus on how much money would have been lost if you’d done something even stupider. Then count the difference between the failure you created and the even bigger failure you could have created as a “cost avoidance.

The Dilbert Strip

Real Management Research

As it turns out, self-promotion is an effective tactic–but only if you’re a man. Recent studies like  these suggest that when women  use the same tactics as men to get ahead, they still advance less than their male counterparts and have slower pay growth. Researchers have observed that when women try discuss their accomplishments with others, they experience  “backlash” from superiors. Some scientists believe this is the reason why women rarely make requests for themselves; they’ve learned that may ultimately lose more than they gain.

4. Seniority Can Be a Pain in the Tookus

The Dilbert Principle

Job descriptions are hideously cumulative.  The longer you stay in one job, the more work you’ll be asked to do.  That’s because people will figure out what you do and they’ll know how to find you.  Worse yet, you will become competent over time, and that’s as good as begging for more work.  Change jobs as often as possible. That clears the deck of all the pesky people who have your phone number.  You can then reinvent yourself in a less busy role as an “adviser” to something. –Adams

The Dilbert Strip

Real Management Research

Dilbert’s disillusioned advice is right on the cutting edge of modern career advice. For example, Seth Godin’s celebrated book Linchpin argues that if your coworkers can  define what you do, your job could be in jeopardy. Meanwhile, career blogger Penelope Trunk actively advises her readers to job hop more. The internet used to be full of articles on how to disguise a spotty job history; now the first page of Google is awash with advice to steal a page from the Job Hopper’s Handbook. Of course, there are many good reasons to stay put. The corporate ladder is easier to climb when you enjoy longevity and trust with your employer, networks are easier to sustain when you stay in one place long enough to build real friendships, and in some companies, long tenure also allows you to maximize income from profit sharing and retirement plans.  Plus, research on Gen Y indicates that millennials are far more loyal than previously supposed, particularly when you offer them socially meaningful work.

5. Team-Building Exercises Are Sadistic

The Dilbert Principle

If the employees in your company are a bunch of independent, antisocial psychopaths, you might need some team-building exercises.  Team-building exercises come in many forms but they all trace their roots back to the prison system.  In your typical team-building exercise, the employees are subjected to a variety of unpleasant situations until they become either a cohesive team or a ring of car jackers. –Adams

The Dilbert Strip

Real Management Research

Dilbert for another win. While most business thinkers and researchers believe that team-building have their place, few believe that trust falls and ropes courses are as effective as advertised. Pat Olsen’s article, “Team-Building Exercises for Tough Times,” encourages managers to keep team building practical:

The best exercises involve real-world problems, not just fun activities. Have your team solve an immediate or pressing business issue and be sure they can build on what they’ve learned when they return to work.

Meanwhile, some research is showing that conflict actually helps team perform better. In a study conducted of symphonies, researchers found that grumpy orchestras played together slightly better than orchestras in which all the musicians were happy. Team expert Richard Hackman explains:

The cause-and-efect is the reverse of what people believe.  When we’re productive and we’ve done something good together and are recognized for it, we feel satisfied…not the other way around. In other words, the mood of the orchestra members after a performance says more about how well they did than the mood beforehand.